Boundaries
Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously. Boundaries give us the space to do the work of loving ourselves. They might be, actually, the first and fundamental expression of self-love. .- Prentis Hemphill
Do I Need Better Boundaries?
Boundaries are hard at the best of times, but can be even harder for people who feel it all, all the time. A lot of the clients I work with identify as empaths, or people who feel deeply, and when that’s the case, it can be a blessing but can also sometimes feel like a curse, because not only are you carrying your own emotions but you may also be picking up on everything around you, and that can be really draining.
If you grew up in a home where you were forced to take on the difficult emotions, problems, and worries of a family member, you may have not been given the chance to have your own needs. In this case, it might feel automatic to give up your own needs for others. It’s also possible that you are not sure what your own needs are, because you were never given the chance to find out.
When we don’t have clear boundaries, it can be really hard to meet our own needs, which is why they’re so important. If you’re struggling with boundaries, you may notice yourself:
taking on the emotions of others
compromising your own needs for others
not voicing your own needs
overextending yourself
not knowing when to “draw the line”
experiencing compassion fatigue
feeling anger or resentment
experiencing burnout
How Does Therapy Support Better Boundaries?
If these sound familiar to you, know that you don’t have to change who you are in order to establish boundaries that support you. There are ways for you to be that caring person you are while also knowing how to take care of yourself.
With the right support, you can learn how to identify and establish your needs in a direct but compassionate way that is both kinder to yourself and those around you. I support people to learn to identify what is theirs and take off what is not, so you may go about your day without carrying the negative emotions of those around you. This protects your sensitivity and empathy for when you need it most, while preserving your energy for what serves you in your life best. Somatic therapy helps you to connect with your body, and understand your boundaries from an embodied place. I also use parts work to help you identify and work with parts that can get in the way of healthy boundaries, such as guilt.
If this sounds like the support you need, I look forward to hearing from you. Feel free to email me at kirsten@kirstennoack.com.