How much time in bed is too much? When you’re in the slog of insomnia, you are met with conflicting advice, making a seemingly simple decision feel like a cryptic riddle. On the one hand, sleep hygiene dictates that we should only use the bed for sleep and sex. On the other hand, many insomniacs have an impulse to go to bed earlier to try to catch whatever sleep scraps they can. But wait, some advice suggests intentionally narrowing your sleep window and going to bed later than usual. Then, there’s the rule that you’re supposed to get out of bed if you can’t sleep after 20 minutes. The overwhelm is real. 

Is there a magic number? Which rules do you follow? Since when did trying to figure out how much time you should spend in bed become so important? 

If you are confused, you’re not alone. Let’s make sense of this mess of conflicting advice so you get out of your head, and start to trust your body again.

ACT-I tackles the root fears of insomnia. It’s not about fixing sleep issues through controlling behaviors or correcting distressing thoughts—it’s about learning to have a completely different relationship with wakefulness and sleep.

CBT for insomnia didn’t work for me—and I’ve seen many clients struggle with it too. In this post, I break down how CBT-I works, why it can fall short, and why I use ACT for insomnia instead.

Insomnia is a paradox. The more you try to fix it, either the worse it gets, or the more you feel dependent on the supplement, medication, gadget, ritual, or routine that seems to be temporarily helping in that moment. This insight - that the attempts to fix are often perpetuating the problem - was a big turning point in my healing process. The information was empowering: it was only in giving up control and accepting my reality as it was that I could regain my sleep back. Rather than react from a place of fear, I learned to address the fear layer by layer, until the worries about sleep no longer existed.

I have learned from my own experience and supporting others, that there are tangible steps one can take on the road to acceptance-based insomnia recovery. It often is not a dramatic, single moment of healing, but rather, involves shedding the layers of fear gradually.